I've never been serenaded, but I have been followed through the house by someone reading me "another funny thing" from Diary of a Wimpy Kid.— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) January 25, 2017
Can't. Have to close out the 6,456,982 apps my child has open on my phone.— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) January 30, 2017
At least 20% of parenting is just peeling stickers off of things.— Ramblin' Mama (@ramblinma) January 24, 2017
Want to know fear?— Jacques Nyemb (@jnyemb) January 25, 2017
Randomly feeling your toddler smear something wet on your exposed arm...Then running away.
My 6 year old's superpower is knowing he doesn't like what we're having for dinner 2 hours before I've even decided what I'm making.— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) January 25, 2017
I thought I said "Get dressed quickly please." Apparently they thought I said "Hit each other until someone is crying."— Diane Huntington (@idtweetforever) January 27, 2017
Nice try, irritating hold music, but I have children; so, my tolerance for listening to annoying noise is pretty high.— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) January 23, 2017
I told my kids we needed to leave 10 minutes early but then my son HAD to zip his own jacket.— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) January 24, 2017
We're 20 minutes late now.
4: is it worse to swear or to break everything in our house?— Mike Reynolds (@EverydayGirlDad) January 27, 2017
Me: break everything.
4: *turns to sister* told you swearing was fine.
I always thought I'd be a patient parent.— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) January 23, 2017
And then I had kids.
Toddler: Poop!— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) January 28, 2017
Me: In the potty?
Toddler: No thanks.
[5:47 AM]— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) January 28, 2017
6: If we named all the numbers, we'd eventually have to call one of them "kazoo," right?
Me:*dumping Bailey's into coffee* go on
Me: *singing* The itsy bitsy spider-— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) January 27, 2017
2-year-old: Smash! Smash! Smash!
She gets it.