my kid came home from the store with "chinet" "paper" plates so I guess we got new dishes now— Her Tall Boots (@fuzzlime) November 29, 2016
*squints eyes— American Gent (@AmericanGent69) November 28, 2016
How am I supposed to know this?
*I say to myself trying to help my kid with his homework after my third whiskey
When I kissed my kid goodnight he begged me to shave, so I will, because why should I have control over even a single aspect of my own life?— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) November 28, 2016
My kid makes terrible snowmen. If you put Frosty's magic hat on one, it'd immediately beg to be killed.— Ray (@SirEviscerate) November 25, 2016
My kid asked me what cartoons were like in the olden days so I changed the Netflix settings to only show cartoons on Saturday mornings.— Northern Lights (@PinkCamoTO) November 22, 2016
When people compliment my kid it's kinda like they're complimenting my art or something. Thank you. I made that, it's my fav piece.— mother christmas (@mommasalazar) December 2, 2016
this will be my kid pic.twitter.com/piKEzKbDWB— Funny School Answers (@SchooIAnswer) December 3, 2016
I swear if my kid ever gets a participation trophy I will make them watch me throw it over the bridge..I will hi-five u for doing ur best.— Carly Selvig (@CarlySelvig) December 3, 2016
Every morning, as I get my kid ready for school, I'm reminded that I missed my life calling as a hostage negotiator.— RoyalTramp (@Uhmprobablynot) December 2, 2016
My wife and I asked my son who he loves most. He pointed all around. I said he had to choose, then he told us he was pointing at the wifi.— nice eric (@ericsshadow) December 5, 2016
My son said: $1.07? It says a dollar.— Lady Succubus (@MrsLadyJai) December 4, 2016
Her: Yes, it's taxes!
Him: Taxes ? Well who is taxes and why I owe him 7 cent?
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