Before kids: Imagines dressing my kid up like a living doll.— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) January 12, 2017
Now: 5yo is bonelessly lying on the ground, begging me to put on her sock
My exercise regimen mainly consists of army-crawling out of my kid's room at night after he falls asleep.— Mom Psychologist (@mompsychologist) January 11, 2017
I accidentally told my kid I paid for a toy "that Santa brought" and now I'm stuck in an elaborate web of lies please send help.— Ramblin' Mama (@ramblinma) January 10, 2017
Sick of never finding Legos in your bed?— Sweatpants Cher (@House_Feminist) January 13, 2017
Bored of a house free of inexplicably sticky areas?
DM me today about my Child Loan program!
I had a terrifying nightmare that my child described each one of his hundreds of Pokémon cards to me.— My Meh Runneth Over (@TheAlexNevil) January 11, 2017
And he was 37.
My children have issued a demand list. Unfortunately for them, I don't negotiate with terrorists. Especially ones that can't spell for shit. pic.twitter.com/gMbSq1fv7P— Liz Finnegan (@TheGingerarchy) January 15, 2017
My son uses my printed dissertation as a booster seat to play piano. See? That time wasn't wasted.— Elliott Lusztig (@ezlusztig) January 15, 2017
My favorite part of every day is exactly 3.8 minutes after dinner, once my kid has declared he's "not hungry" then asks for a snack.— Salty Mermaid (@Jenn_H_Scott) January 11, 2017